The Journey Towards Not Comparing Myself To You

This post is gonna be a bit different than my usual lifestyle slash beauty posts. Not only because my blog is a journal, but because it is my journal and I want to document things that I would like to keep track of.

Comparing yourself to someone else. Who hasn’t done it? We’ve all done it at some point. But there can come a time where it can get obsessive and excessive, and I am ashamed to admit that I have possibly reached that point.

For the past few months I’ve seen friends get engaged, have babies (although this is something I do not want – I don’t like babies), buy their first homes, get a new pet.. the list goes on. All during lockdown as well, what the heck! My bitterness relating to the fact that I have acquired none of these in my life has got me feeling really bad about myself.

I have always dreamed of having my own home in the countryside in England but I’m 27 years old, stuck in a job I don’t really like, living under my parents’ roof.

INSTAGRAM. The devil. This is where I mostly see all of these things that make me feel worse about myself, but yet, I can’t put the app away. Why, you ask? Because it might be an addiction. Am I addicted to looking at people’s almost-perfect lives, or am I addicted to deprecating myself? It’s a tough one to answer, but I think it might be both. On one hand, I definitely live vicariously through the lives of many of my friends, whilst also spending a lot of time dwelling on why I’m where I am.

The pandemic certainly hasn’t helped. I’m more glued down than I ever was.

If you have a relatively ‘good’ life, even though the meaning of a good life is different for everyone, I’ve probably, at some point, wished I were you.

And I wish I didn’t.

It’s not like I have a bad life. I have a roof over my head, a paying job, a boyfriend who loves me, a small circle of supportive friends and an even bigger circle of online friends. I don’t really have much to complain about.

I like very simple things – lying in bed on my phone watching funny TikTok videos, making soaps for my small business, writing posts for my blog, having a really good tomato and cheese pasta, drinking my Yorkshire Tea every morning.. really simple things. And I enjoy them. But why do I also feel like they’re not enough? They seem enough, don’t they?

I spend hours on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter looking at pictures of houses, new countries I haven’t seen and things I haven’t done and wish I had the bank balance of a Kardashian-Jenner to do all those things and more.

BUT.. I feel stuck. Like, what have I accomplished in the past 3 years since graduating from university? My life has felt stagnant. I got my Master’s Degree and wasn’t even able to get a job related to my degree. Stuck in retail now, working past 9pm most nights.

Whereas people have gone on to move to different countries, gotten married and gotten a home.

Honestly – the home is what I want most. Obviously marriage has been in the talks, as well as a potential cockatiel for a pet, but the home is the most desired for me at the moment. I can’t believe I’m being this transparent – I don’t really like being so open. My boyfriend and I talk about our future little home all the time and what we’d have in it but the pandemic has honestly halted all the plans we had been speaking about.

My constant chatter about wanting a home and how sad I am that I’m still in Singapore has definitely taken a toll on my boyfriend whom I do feel bad for. It is also part of why I am writing this post – to get this out of my system. I know that me talking about all that stuff with him makes him feel a little sad and bad, because we aren’t living the life we wished we had at 27. It also frustrates him because he always tells me that everyone’s circumstance is different and that comparing ourselves to other people does not make sense in the grand scheme of things.

And I completely understand that! It makes perfect sense.

So why do I still do it? Is it a call for pity from whoever will listen, or do I have some sort of warped dependency towards making myself feel lower than I am?

I don’t know, and I’m sad that I don’t know. I want to be able to solve this issue as much as the next person and I want to openly talk about it with you guys. This is why I’m writing a post about it.

Today, May 11th 2021, I start my journey.

I want to stop comparing myself to you. 

10 responses to “The Journey Towards Not Comparing Myself To You”

  1. It’s really hard to not compare yourself to other people. I try to remember that other peoples lives may look picture perfect but it’s not. Everyone has issues, everyone has their own struggles. I try to be grateful for what I have and remember that I have a lot more than some people do.

    Like

  2. I have been there sooooo many times and it’s really horrible. You are certainly not alone in feeling like that, there is always someone around to help you when you feel like that 🙂 Your page 10 will always be different to someone else’s but you’ve got to remember we all grow at different speeds and embrace the journey ❤

    Shannon x
    http://Www.shanylou.co.uk

    Like

  3. I find myself comparing a lot, and have to remind myself that I am different to the people I’m comparing myself to and I’m on my own journey. It’s tough, but it’s worthwhile. You get to be you, after all.

    I really liked the honesty and truth in this post. I could easily have said “I wish I’d wrote that” or “why am I not blogging about X when I could be” but instead I just read a really great post you wrote, and reflected on it from my experiences and it felt SO much better than making myself feel bad because you did something good.

    I want you and all the people around me to succeed. And if you’re a couple of steps ahead of me, then I get to challenge myself to catch up!

    Thanks for sharing and keep going. You’ll get wherever you want to be someday 😊

    Like

    • I’m so glad you could relate to this post, but also sad that you are in the same position where we both compare ourselves to everyone. I hope you get to be where you dream of someday too!

      Like

  4. Love this post and I’m so glad you’ve finally taken action in not comparing yourself to others. Yes, we all do it. But it can be SO debilitating. I’m in a similar situation and I’m constantly seeing engagements and pregnancy announcements and new homes all over Facebook and social media from people I went to school with or who are my age and I’m LONGING for those things but for some reason I’m just not on the same timeframe as them. And it’s so hard not to compare and feel low about it. But it’s important we try<3 x

    Like

    • UGHHH WE HAVE THE SAME ISSUE! I personally don’t want kids but I’d like to get married and own a house, which is what sooo many people I know younger than me are getting at the moment and I momentarily get frustrated at the thought of it. I know that it’s so bad for my mental health but there’s a big part of me that goes “WHY COULDN’T THAT BE ME?”

      Like

  5. I understand how you feel. I think everyone is guilty of wishing they had what other people did, or comparing themselves to others. Instagram does not help, we just have to try and remember that it’s not the full story in those grids. People only show the bits they want to and the ones you envy are probably wishing they had someone else life at some points too!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: