marissa belle ｡･:*˚:✧｡࿐

I don’t think we can ever appreciate things while we’re doing it. We can only truly appreciate it when it’s gone – and that’s the sad reality of many people’s lives.

I spent 4 years in Lincoln, Lincolnshire. The 4 years felt like 4 months. Even though I spent 1,460 days in that city, I will never feel like it was enough.

I miss the Lincoln skies.

As I write this, I reminisce the times I would open the window of my residence and breathe in the cold fog. I love cold weather. It truly was the ultimate description of a breathe of fresh air. As I write this, I remember drawing the curtains and letting the cool air seep into my cosy little nook, one that was all mine, no one owned it but me, and it was my safe space.

I lived in 2 different homes while residing in Lincolnshire and I didn’t love one more than the other. They both had their differences but they were both mine. It was the only time in my life I had a home that was all mine, even if it was just a simple studio flat with an en-suite bathroom.

One was facing my university, one was facing the high street. Both consisted of things and people I loved. Things and people I would never forget.

As I write this, I’m sitting in a stuffy, dark and dismissive train in Singapore – a place I don’t feel is for me. As I write this, I’m perspiring even though I am in an air conditioned space. As I write this, my heart feels heavy.

These pictures are of the Lincolnshire sky. I took them way back in 2013 on an iPhone 5. Some were taken along St Mark’s Street, some were taken along Ruston Way. Two places I frequented, one of which I resided in. Even after I moved out of St Mark’s Street, I was there almost every day. My favourite Tesco was there.

I never really appreciated the time I had there and it’s now gone. 

I will never get tired of the Lincolnshire sky. As I stared deeper into these photographs, for a moment, just a moment, I felt like I was there. And I felt fake-happy – why fake? Because I know I’m not there.

And I only hope more than ever that I will feel that kind of happiness again.